Farewell

I write this post while crying and I'm swearing it's the truth. I know I started to act childish and selfish thinking not as correct as it should be.

I just blown off my chance to spend the rest day with him but In the end I just leave him because I was sleeping and keep blaming my self why you being so stupid because you leave him and you can't never and ever see him again...

I'm sad, and I don't know when I could see him again. I keep thinking "please let me home before departure, please.." because I want to see him again and again and again~ and stop hurt him.

I do cried after read some chat history before he left. It's painful, it keeps making me tearing over and over again. I do realize that we both can't move on and stuck in the same points where we both need each other. 

to be honest I'm aware of his feelings and my own true feelings, this isn't a lie this isn't fake this is the truth, I'm not dizzy I'm steady, I'm not lying I'm being honest and the deepest and the darkest sea won't be compared with how deep it is. (poetic? idk I'm just hopeless)
I'm trying to cheer my self with words but it won't work~ I'm craving for his presence. He's the one who always got my back~ please If I could turn on the time, I could go back and talk to him over and over and over, waited till he falls asleep.

but i can't and it's a regrets, this is for you, I'm sorry i can't properly said I'm sorry and also goodbye because i can't say it properly. I'm so lost now and yet I'm sad. when I said goodbye it's like let go the bonds that we've create, and I don't want it~ this is quite a real pain~ really a pain~

he do things for me and I just treat him like that, well he had a right to mad at me and yell at me but he didn't do it, ~ oh my God what i just do? I let someone dear to my heart just go.

I want to see him more often after this quarantine. 

thank you for the song, you reminds me to keeps happy yet when ever i hear it I felt happy and miss you in the same time,

thank you and my feelings won't change for you since the first time i said it to you

Rainbow - South Border

When I'm home I'll be waiting there for you. Missing you and smiling to welcome you back

best regards,

Bella..