my fear

What did you think about heavy rain?

- Lots of water droplets.

- Lightning strikes anything.

- The sound of the thunder.



I always love rain, but yet get scared of heavy rain,

And now, I feel heavy rain already poured lots of water droplets.
The lighting strikes anything that I have and I treasure the most.
I'm scared the powerful wind just blow me away and I have nothing to hold on to.

That's the analogy to describes what I feel now.

Angelo, honestly I consider him as my friend. He helped me with my essay and I said something wrong and he pissed off or either disappointed. Then he said he'll leave me. He's the best kind of friend that I've ever had. He understands me a lot and I keep wishing that he shouldn't be gone. Since I really like being around him. If he read this I wanted to say that this is, isn't his fault, it's mine. I'm being fake because i'm afraid of being lonely

That also associate me with my boyfriend, Rafael Tria. He's such a good man and he cares a lot for me, He always there waiting for me. He tries his best to make me happy and smiles. And I let him down because I'm getting busy and he lacked of my attentions. We had a big argue today. To be honest he's my guy. He is the guy who knows me and I can't let him go. A year with him were amazing and I got addicted to him. I don't want it to stop. He's my happiness, what would I do without him? I love being in love with him.

It also relates to my best friend, Brandon. I shouldn't let you talk to me in the beginning, I know that you are so nice to me and thanks for being my friend. Thanks a lot to show me how cool friendship could it be, and how hard you survived. How people being unfair to you but you have to face it. I'm sorry to say like that to you, I know it's unfair , I should know better that you could be my friend who can always gives me great advice about anything and debating with me. I'm afraid that you can't accept my history and my past.

You guys , each of you got something that I really scared of ...

The one that I love have my happiness, My right hand man have my trust and my best friend have the power of acceptance/


I'm sorry if I do stupid things, being idiot who can't express herself , being drama queen , I hate being praised, I keep making people hurt and sad and make them keep waiting for uncertainty.

I'm afraid if I had to lose them that I consider as my best friend. They helped me and I'm grateful.

If only I could turn time, I wish I don't want to make mistakes. Since they are my real friends. I want to apology for everything that I did... I can't say much I wish you guys know how sorry I am, I know my words are the only thing that could hold on to. But for this time, just let me have them. I don't want to lose them.


nights guys~

Thursday, July 19, 2012
1 : 10 am @ Karawang, Indonesia