2nd day at massachusetts

so 2nd in here? how it feels?

lol it feels amazing, so here we were...

I woke up at around 6 (exclude mandi) and I walked down to listened my host dad played his piano. So we talked a little about some classical music which I really into and he let me read some of cool and funny biography of several amazing composer, then what happened next was a young little boy around 13 years old came followed my host mom, she introduced him to me, his name is Will , and he's my host mom nephew? sort of like that. He reminds me of my bro tho, the diff is he (Will) interested in skateboarding

I helped Tom with the cooler, watching Will practicing his ollie move and then not long after that mom took me to the store where we ordered Tom's birthday cake the day before. While Tom and Theodora doing other thing.
soon the party starts, it's only tom's closest friend who come tho and the fam, too bad Tom blows the candle too fast and i only got his pic while he holding his cake. TwT

They just madly play and sit infront of the screen playing artemis :D while in the evening mom took me and Theodora went to the park and go to a secret path to go to the school, it's awesome actually , and i don't mind doing it again :) because we were talking about clubs and teachers with their subjects :)

End of day 2

one of my fave song, it gives a different perspective of my life...

i could cry and i could sad, being happy and smile isn't as easy as it looks
but we try our best right to see the bright side of it ;)

Rainbow

Fallin' out, fallin' in
Nothing's sure in this world no, no
Breakin' out, breakin' in
Never knowin' what lies ahead
We can really never tell it all no, no, no
Say goodbye, say hello
To a lover or friend
Sometimes we never could understand
Why some things begin then just end
We can really never tell it all no, no, no

But oh, can't you see
That no matter what happens
Life goes on and on
So baby, just/please smile
Coz i'm always around you
And ill make you see how beautiful
Life is for you and me

Take a little time baby
See the butterflies color's
Listen to the birds that were sent
To sing for me and you
Can you feel me
This is such a wonderful place to be
Even if there is pain now
Everything would be all right
For as long as the world still turns
There will be night and day
Can you hear me
There's a rainbow always after the rain

Ohh, whoa

Hittin' high, hittin' low
Win or lose you should go, yeah yeah
Getting warm, getting cold
Weather could be so good or bad
But baby this is life now don't get mad no, no, no

Coz oh, cant you see
That no matter what happens
Life goes on and on
So baby, please smile
Coz i'm always around you
And ill make you see how beautiful
Life is for you and me

Take a little time baby
See the butterflies' colors
Listen to the birds that were sent
To sing for me and you
Can you feel me
This is such a wonderful place to be
Even if there is pain now
Everything would be all right
For as long as the world still turns
There will be night and day
Can you hear me
There's a rainbow always after the rain

Life's full of challenges
Not all the time we get what we want
But don't despair my dear coz I know now
You'll take each trial and you'll make it through the storm
Coz you're strong my faith in you is clear
So ill say once again this worlds wonderful and
Let us celebrate life that's so beautiful, so beautiful
Ohhhh

Take a little time baby
See the butterflies' colors
Listen to the birds that were sent
To sing for me and you
Can you feel me
This is such a wonderful place to be
Even if there is pain now
Everything would be all right
For as long as the world still turns
There will be night and day
Can you hear me
There's a rainbow always after the rain

early week at Massachussets

Perhaps this is kind of too late to publish but I don't care anyway :D

so here I am at Medway, Massachussets.
 
   Probably you guys won't realize how scared I was when I'm going to Rhode Island before going to massachussets.
   I was at Dulles airport, Washington D.C at 5.00 am it's quite scary tho, Jane one of our leader said i'm the only one who will going to Rhode Island. *shoots* I'm the only one? really? and one of the group leader i forgot who is she but I'm thankful to her, my plane's gate is changed from 6D to 28C

but again being alone in that flight makes me nervous, tho I can't do anything, i was like look outside the window and sleeps, that's all i do, I'm anxious I remember what Angelo (Toya) said to me, that i should be brave, then i remember Kyle (Qwerty) that he's sad when i leave him. and that gives me a boost to just face anything that would happened.
so there i am, looking down to my new family. the Bouwman-Wozencraft. they are so friendly tho.
my mom and there standing along with theodora my host sister and also tommy my host brother. it's quite funny tho that he was having his birthday that day when i was arrived :)

so after packing at home we went to "the rome" where my mom takes me to have lunch together with mom's relatives. seeing medway is amazing, the town is full of the woods it's just full of beautiful breeze. after that we planned to buy him a present we starts our "scavanger hunt" and it's sooo fun! we close our day with dinner with nana, mom, tom, thea and me :)

tho when i go to bed i felt a little home sick :) remembering Rafael, Angelo, my natural parents, my exchange students friend, and so manythings that could create tears, i remembering them as i fall asleep :)

TwT

i can't open my e-mail can someone helps?

Farewell

I write this post while crying and I'm swearing it's the truth. I know I started to act childish and selfish thinking not as correct as it should be.

I just blown off my chance to spend the rest day with him but In the end I just leave him because I was sleeping and keep blaming my self why you being so stupid because you leave him and you can't never and ever see him again...

I'm sad, and I don't know when I could see him again. I keep thinking "please let me home before departure, please.." because I want to see him again and again and again~ and stop hurt him.

I do cried after read some chat history before he left. It's painful, it keeps making me tearing over and over again. I do realize that we both can't move on and stuck in the same points where we both need each other. 

to be honest I'm aware of his feelings and my own true feelings, this isn't a lie this isn't fake this is the truth, I'm not dizzy I'm steady, I'm not lying I'm being honest and the deepest and the darkest sea won't be compared with how deep it is. (poetic? idk I'm just hopeless)
I'm trying to cheer my self with words but it won't work~ I'm craving for his presence. He's the one who always got my back~ please If I could turn on the time, I could go back and talk to him over and over and over, waited till he falls asleep.

but i can't and it's a regrets, this is for you, I'm sorry i can't properly said I'm sorry and also goodbye because i can't say it properly. I'm so lost now and yet I'm sad. when I said goodbye it's like let go the bonds that we've create, and I don't want it~ this is quite a real pain~ really a pain~

he do things for me and I just treat him like that, well he had a right to mad at me and yell at me but he didn't do it, ~ oh my God what i just do? I let someone dear to my heart just go.

I want to see him more often after this quarantine. 

thank you for the song, you reminds me to keeps happy yet when ever i hear it I felt happy and miss you in the same time,

thank you and my feelings won't change for you since the first time i said it to you

Rainbow - South Border

When I'm home I'll be waiting there for you. Missing you and smiling to welcome you back

best regards,

Bella..

I love Kebaya!

Good morning :) since it's 12 am already.. 

  And I'm as fresh as a horse (what kind of proverb is that?)

Nevermind anyway~ Today when I was shopping I bought this shinning blouse, 

    they called it "Kebaya"

Perhaps you guys were asking, 

         "What actually Kebaya is?" 

                                  "How to wear it? What kind of occasion that we wear kebaya?"

  Hold on guys! :) I'll tell about it One by ONE :D

  Q : 

What is kebaya? 

A :

 A traditional blouse-dress combination, worn by women from Indonesia, Malaysia, Brunei, Burma, Singapore and also Southern Thailand. It made from sheer material such as silk, thin cotton or 

semi-transparent nylon or polyester and adorned with barocade or floral pattern embriodery.

Usually worn with sarung, or long batik, and also with other traditional woven garment as ikat,

songket with colorful motif. Kebaya is a national costume of Indonesia, because it's more accurately endemic to Javanese, Sundanese and Balinese people

Q :  

How to wear it? and what occasion?

A : 

Wearing a kebaya is like wearing a buttoned blouse, you have to wear inner first 

and then the kebaya or Indonesian people also created modern kebaya with a zipper infront of it 

so it should be easy to use and to wear :)

what kind of occasion hm?

well, It could be used for casual if it's the modern kebaya one , so they can pair it with jeans :)

but if the traditional one usually wear for wedding ceremony or formal occasion

they also wear kebaya too for  dance :)

Here's some pics of my kebaya :DD

Do I look weird?
a Chinese girl with kebaya :D

Again I felt not so comfy since I sit like Japanese people :D

Sitting like that makes my legs numb :3

My kebaya with a long Batik :) i like the underneath of my batik :)

haha~ so formal? not really I made a stupid face at right one :D

Hi ! I'm the next mojang karawang ( Miss Karawang ) *lols* 

*wishing to be true*

Nighty night guys thanks for come over :)

See ya till next post! *waves*

my fear

What did you think about heavy rain?

- Lots of water droplets.

- Lightning strikes anything.

- The sound of the thunder.



I always love rain, but yet get scared of heavy rain,

And now, I feel heavy rain already poured lots of water droplets.
The lighting strikes anything that I have and I treasure the most.
I'm scared the powerful wind just blow me away and I have nothing to hold on to.

That's the analogy to describes what I feel now.

Angelo, honestly I consider him as my friend. He helped me with my essay and I said something wrong and he pissed off or either disappointed. Then he said he'll leave me. He's the best kind of friend that I've ever had. He understands me a lot and I keep wishing that he shouldn't be gone. Since I really like being around him. If he read this I wanted to say that this is, isn't his fault, it's mine. I'm being fake because i'm afraid of being lonely

That also associate me with my boyfriend, Rafael Tria. He's such a good man and he cares a lot for me, He always there waiting for me. He tries his best to make me happy and smiles. And I let him down because I'm getting busy and he lacked of my attentions. We had a big argue today. To be honest he's my guy. He is the guy who knows me and I can't let him go. A year with him were amazing and I got addicted to him. I don't want it to stop. He's my happiness, what would I do without him? I love being in love with him.

It also relates to my best friend, Brandon. I shouldn't let you talk to me in the beginning, I know that you are so nice to me and thanks for being my friend. Thanks a lot to show me how cool friendship could it be, and how hard you survived. How people being unfair to you but you have to face it. I'm sorry to say like that to you, I know it's unfair , I should know better that you could be my friend who can always gives me great advice about anything and debating with me. I'm afraid that you can't accept my history and my past.

You guys , each of you got something that I really scared of ...

The one that I love have my happiness, My right hand man have my trust and my best friend have the power of acceptance/


I'm sorry if I do stupid things, being idiot who can't express herself , being drama queen , I hate being praised, I keep making people hurt and sad and make them keep waiting for uncertainty.

I'm afraid if I had to lose them that I consider as my best friend. They helped me and I'm grateful.

If only I could turn time, I wish I don't want to make mistakes. Since they are my real friends. I want to apology for everything that I did... I can't say much I wish you guys know how sorry I am, I know my words are the only thing that could hold on to. But for this time, just let me have them. I don't want to lose them.


nights guys~

Thursday, July 19, 2012
1 : 10 am @ Karawang, Indonesia