Fade Now? or Later?

Recent cold makes my grades falling down to B's and I hate it :(
I'm trying my best as I work my ass off, I only do good at math.
My English is a wreck I got 66 only at my essay :(
and the vocabulary test did not satisfy me at all 9 out of 11? Seriously!
I could do better!

I know I'm being pushy to my self, but it's just I could do better.

I felt nostalgic but, not sad. It happens because of the rains recently pouring.
it's just Rain, Wet, Cold, Moist Air, Fall, Red-orange leaves creating weird feeling like a ghost.
When every perfect dream seems foggy.

It doesn't mean I didn't miss my home,
I might missed it but pretends you didn't makes you stronger don't you think so?
I want a good year. A good life.

 

the forgotten one

I know I haven't talk much at this blog. It doesn't mean I forget about this, it's just getting busy.
Things working well here, I haven't cried and missing my home, yet...
but gee I dk when I saw the YBA Karawang's blog I feels like I'm home, and I want to come to their activity and I just realize, " Oh wait! I'm in USA not in Indonesia how do I manage to get there?" and yes, I'm laughing on myself :)

Anyway, my best friend had her sweet seventeen at September 26, so it's recently and I've called her said I love her as my best friend and I do missed her :) she loves my gift to her, and I'm really glad tho she likes it. Then I call Rafael. I miss him so much :) Seeing him feels like a year ago and I like how he made me laugh :)

anyway I think I've entering my curve long time ago and I just realize it :)
see how fake smiles and fake laugh helps you? :)
sometimes you need time for yourself, I'm lucky that I'm working at library where the books are everywhere
surrounds me and I'm not lonely...

And if I do~ I'm craving attention to pets in here, I often hugs Pixie more than everyone does that time. But I still hold on not to cry~ :) I think I need rest, since I need it, and I think I should download some of Yiruma's song. It's soothing~ I feel brave and calm as he speaks through his melody. I want to learn his song...
I know I need to walk outside now :) I'd like to do that after shower maybe :)



another song from yiruma that I just fall for :)
Yiruma - Time Forgets
Yiruma - The View From My Window
Yiruma - Beloved
Yiruma - Sunny Rain
Yiruma - One Day Diary
Yiruma - Dream
Yiruma - Lord.. Hold My Hand
Yiruma - Love Hurts
Yiruma - Tears On Love
Yiruma - Poem

Even you missing someone deeply, keep there, You'll survive.

when get down don't get down

really i hate when things get down,  one thing i kinda feels is why everythin happened this way?
i'm trying not to complain, but it turns lot more worse than ever~
and i just get dragged more to the endless hole full with desperate~
things that just turns out more crazy, i search more escape and escape from many things i do~

and it just doesn't work~:(
and i cried lot more than ever seeing all my hard work crash with my dream~