I am tired...

It wasn't mean that I didn't enjoy my life or
something like that it's just somehow I am tired...

I might smile, (yes, tiredly smile)
to people that are celebrating their happiness.
full of friends and love.

and me? I just realize something.
Brandon said I am important to him but he seems don't care about me.
I still haven't trust my sister
I lost the role of big brother in the house

haha~ now I am laughing at my self,
really is that what you think about all of this?

he might not be care but he said i am important to him
my sister sometimes annoying but we love her :)
well my big brother is an xx so i don't really care, since all his care about is his gf
so i am fine :)

what have I done wrong?

-curled on couch-

Why people are not sensitive enough to other's feelings?
It such a selfish thing to do! I want to mad but I can't.. I want to yell but it's useless.. I am dying because there's nothing I can do :( REALIZE IT PLEASE! even I can't love you it hurts to see you get sick and pretends you were fine! I'm moving on but if you do this to me I can't! I can accept you are more close to him than me.. I just need you to rest.. And be fine

sunday post!!

Today is sunday and i love it soo much...

I participate in the church today as it's a world communion as I'm the altar girl and I'm holding the bread.
Instead of saying "The body of Jesus Christ broken for you" I said it in bahasa so "Inilah Tubuh Yesus Kristus yang dipersembahkan untumu" which is a bit crazy I suppose. Since it's ummm~ a methodist church.
so anyway today also my mom's birthday, I dk what to gave her but I'm preparing a song for her.
I'm planning to play it infront of her but my pinkie finger's muscle just have a cramps and I hate it
and i'm trying to finish the chord anyway

and we eat in the Olive garden, as we went to shoes and bags shop :3 *yay* and I try some boots! which is i never thought to wear it but it's awesome :3 knee length is sooo cute! I have to have one :3
anyway I have Venetian Chicken Apricot today and it's awesome, the apricot sauce, Asparagus, broccoli, tomatoes and also the grilled chicken is awesome!!! OMG OMG and the leftover red velvet cheesecake is so suitable with it :3
anyway yesterday we went to Rhode Island to shop at Providence Place which is like Indonesia's PP :D and I love it, geee I buy thea's chrismast present there and I got 6 cool clothes for fall and winter~ :3
it's pretty and I'm dying to buy summer dresses but I can't ;(
anyway that day I start to fall in love in boots :D

haha nevermind I got some cool stuffs and i eat crispy artichoke heart, something like springrolls :3 *OMG I HAVE TO COOK SPRINGROLLS FOR THEM!!!*
and also something like pizza :3

so far I love Massachusetts and I don't wanna leave yet, it's just
will it be the same if I decided to visit them?
I want visit them, with him maybe :) and I'll introduce him to them :)

Fade Now? or Later?

Recent cold makes my grades falling down to B's and I hate it :(
I'm trying my best as I work my ass off, I only do good at math.
My English is a wreck I got 66 only at my essay :(
and the vocabulary test did not satisfy me at all 9 out of 11? Seriously!
I could do better!

I know I'm being pushy to my self, but it's just I could do better.

I felt nostalgic but, not sad. It happens because of the rains recently pouring.
it's just Rain, Wet, Cold, Moist Air, Fall, Red-orange leaves creating weird feeling like a ghost.
When every perfect dream seems foggy.

It doesn't mean I didn't miss my home,
I might missed it but pretends you didn't makes you stronger don't you think so?
I want a good year. A good life.

 

the forgotten one

I know I haven't talk much at this blog. It doesn't mean I forget about this, it's just getting busy.
Things working well here, I haven't cried and missing my home, yet...
but gee I dk when I saw the YBA Karawang's blog I feels like I'm home, and I want to come to their activity and I just realize, " Oh wait! I'm in USA not in Indonesia how do I manage to get there?" and yes, I'm laughing on myself :)

Anyway, my best friend had her sweet seventeen at September 26, so it's recently and I've called her said I love her as my best friend and I do missed her :) she loves my gift to her, and I'm really glad tho she likes it. Then I call Rafael. I miss him so much :) Seeing him feels like a year ago and I like how he made me laugh :)

anyway I think I've entering my curve long time ago and I just realize it :)
see how fake smiles and fake laugh helps you? :)
sometimes you need time for yourself, I'm lucky that I'm working at library where the books are everywhere
surrounds me and I'm not lonely...

And if I do~ I'm craving attention to pets in here, I often hugs Pixie more than everyone does that time. But I still hold on not to cry~ :) I think I need rest, since I need it, and I think I should download some of Yiruma's song. It's soothing~ I feel brave and calm as he speaks through his melody. I want to learn his song...
I know I need to walk outside now :) I'd like to do that after shower maybe :)



another song from yiruma that I just fall for :)
Yiruma - Time Forgets
Yiruma - The View From My Window
Yiruma - Beloved
Yiruma - Sunny Rain
Yiruma - One Day Diary
Yiruma - Dream
Yiruma - Lord.. Hold My Hand
Yiruma - Love Hurts
Yiruma - Tears On Love
Yiruma - Poem

Even you missing someone deeply, keep there, You'll survive.

call me "love me" :)

Love me is actually a song that Yiruma composed 2001 in his album First Love

I missed this song so bad :)
It seems I could see my self and my journey in that song.
It's so soothing, It makes me feels like I don't have to worry about tomorrow and just walk
the path will lead you...

I always cry listening to this one, seeing the sky on Medway sometimes remind me of this song.
Bright blue sky with lots hope and things overwhelmed in my mind.
I'm in love with Massachusetts' sky and also the pretty trees that start to changed as fall coming.

belle.. belle mon journee..

Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things 
that escape those who dream only at night.
-Edgar Allen Poe 

good night, bonne nuit mon ami :)

 

no sara but it's reality...

ehem, i really wrote this thing not for rasisct (sorry misspell) or SARA
but i just want to compare between this country and australia

seriously i like to watch masterchef australia ,
and now in indonesia we got masterchef indonesia
am i rite?

you know, i'm a little bit happy about our country and totally disappointed with our nation
why?
australia, they are fights for they dream, they NEVER, EVER crush other people dream
they know it is a compitition but they still help each other to developing their talents and
share how to be a great cook, they don't want the weakest one, they want the strongest one
to determind the bar of acivement for them...

but the opposite one is from indonesia, they easilly crush others dream..
throwing the good quality and five star talented into garbage, i mean what was that?
they cut the best from all one by one. they pick easy opponent to lower the bar of achievement
well, seriously? and lots , lots of drama happened, seriously !

but one contestant , her name is vero (not promoted or judge)
she's very willing, then opportunity came to her she used it as best she can give,
so she could back in the track and more enthusiasm (sorry misspell) to be the best
and better than before ...

(isn't it good?)
well, every single thing that we do in our life actually a competition like that...
there's always a goal which lots of people want to achieve that , but we must choose how
we react to others, will we help? will we just bring they down or if i down, i'll make you down either...

the choice is inside you would you challenge ur self and ur friends to be more
focus to achieving more and more or you just giving an effort not a good one, just standard
to achieve your goal, and concentrate (sorry misspell) to make others down

your path, your choice

complaining about the crap

talking on both past theme in this life lesson is about maturity rite?

 well one thing that show you still childish is complaining ...

i know i know you all must be disagree, complain is one way to blame other things outside us to make us feel better.. but actually it's so right as it so wrong..

have you heard that every action we take it is how we choose the action ?

yeah think about it now...
              what happened to you right now, isn't because other people or things are mean to you
it what have you choose before ...

if choose wisely then it's all good thing will happened to you,
               if you're not, well if you too sloppy to pick it, well not a good thing will happened to you

but , seriously ...
    no one deserve to be blame by your choice...

think about it, and keep feeling grateful for what have you choose before :)
jesus bless all of us :)