it's been a long time that I've wrote another post.
and, I just wanna say for everything that happened to me were happening for some reason.
Looking back at my past, I always online at drrrchat. last year, with kyle, angelo, dylan, and paige. I was childish, mean and slick. I changed. today I stand by myself, being extremely independent, mean and fully developing empathy and also fragile.
I remember that day when people still know me and talk to me. Once they stop. They really stop talking to you and that happened. Since Kyle lost memories about me, he don't know me anymore and in the same time, Novy came and replace my spot. I felt like my world was crashed. I had none to depend. Angelo ask me to be friends with novy and also kyle, but i can't. I sense that there's something between novy and angelo itself, I was mad ... and desperate to get attention. Dylan was there when i need someone. I love him, he love me and I never give him answer... until I know, he date Paige. I've determined... I should buried myself in the crowd. between people i don't know and i don't trust. I was like a lost and wounded kitten, who seek for comfort. Those things nurture me in a wrong and right way. makes me play dirty to everyone, I seek praises, I am the perfect friend, daughter, sister, and human. Say nothing anymore... I lost and I start pushes my old friend away from me, particularly Dylan. he talk to me a lot, and so am I...
I... I was sad. I was an outcast because of them ... I try not to look back, burn anything that remind me to them. I was send back home that time and i contact them. Angelo didn't have any time to listen to me, he distracted about how worried he is to Novy being sick than me Going to mental hospital and have a chance to have a suicide action. I do that not because I need attention. I was send to mental hospital because.. Because I can't endure that wound that they create too long. added with some "molesting" that happened and some "tension" at my place that time. I can't hold it... and i think to do a suicide
Dylan was the only one who listen to me and care to me a lot. He came to me to ask me am I okay every time he sees something wrong with my skype. and i keep push him away. and recently he came back to me. I'm glad he came, because i miss him and can't endure more the pain.
Today I was really grateful that he.. is with me now. and he make me happy in every way. I just love him so much.. more ... He want to help me with my depression and I am glad. very glad he came back. even the guy that I used to love, Angelo. make my chest hurt like hell and makes my tears feels like needles to my eyes. He still calm me down and make me laugh. Dylan's heavy voice, soft gaze really soothe me. I would do anything to make him happy if it should be facing my own self.
hope we last till next month, and next month I will hope the same, "last till next month" and keep on and on :)
because forever is mainstream and ever is too much :)
I love you, Dylan
I love you, Dylan